Don’t have a visible physical disability along with the neurotic personality type (like me). A neurotic personality type is STARVED for positivity from their environment but a visible physical disability makes every interaction with the abled world an incursion. So you get NONE of the positivity you are starved for.

I am a failure and I would like to blame it all on disability based prejudice but I more accurately think some of it boils down to the demoralization due to said prejudice (which I have unable to “cook the books” of my brain to smoke and mirror away). I don’t work on coding projects near as hard as I should. Because I only respond to positivity. That’s why I wrote a megabyte of poetry and not much else. People responded positively to my poetry at open mic. People did not respond positively to my programming projects.

People seem to think negative reinforcement can produce results. There is no question it’s great as a deterrent. For example we got spanked for lying growing up and I’m overly honest because of it. But negative reinforcement doesn’t work as a great motivator. At least not all by itself. There has to be some positivity too. And having a visible physical disability is a surefire way to make every interaction with the world to be like a golf swing out of a sand trap.